It was at Bar Nico, right?
Yes, and I got one of my favourite DJs, Black Noi$e, to play, which was a real honour. He’s from Detroit, and he’s an amazing producer. He produces some of the illest beats for the new, underground, experimental rap landscape. It felt like…it still kind of feels like I snuck through the back door of this corporate company, and I’m getting to be myself within it.
Does that relate to the impostor syndrome you talked about before? Is that something you struggle with?
I definitely struggle with it. When I get around people, I feed off of their energy, and it masks the feeling until people go away, and then I’m back with my own thoughts—then it gets heavy again. I can have fun in the moment, and then when I have to go back and reflect it’s like, ‘Oh shit’.
Is there a quiet place where you can feel safe? Where you feel like you’re not away in your thoughts in a negative way?
In Houston at my mom’s house—I feel very safe.
What’s that feeling about? Is it just the fact that your mom’s there?
My mom’s there. I know that I don’t have to do anything. The problem with my current living situation is that I renovated this warehouse outside of Lisbon, Portugal, and half of it is my workshop where I make everything. I converted the other half into a living place—built out a kitchen, built out a lofted bedroom. But to enter the house, I have to walk through my studio, and so I can never really escape my work. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just turn on the lights in my studio and look at stuff—it’s not healthy at this point. Maybe at a certain point it was really great because it helped me develop my language.
So now you’re looking for—
I’m looking for somewhere else to live and commute to my studio now.
Probably still in Portugal, yeah.
Have you been there for quite a while?
Did you expect to end up there?
I did not expect to end up there. I think back to my decision to move there, I think back to the person I was when I made that decision—and I was just a very impulsive person. I was about to sign a lease on a very big space in Greenpoint, and I could foresee the hamster wheel that space would have put me in. I would definitely have a very different artistic practice right now had I signed that lease because I would have had to be making work for the market—work that I know would sell. In an act of rebellion, I went on this world tour because I had never been outside of the United States, so I wanted to see the world—I went to like eight countries.
Did you choose to live in Portugal because you visited it during that world tour?
Yes, the last stop on that trip was Portugal, actually around this time of year—perfect weather, went to the beaches. I was hosted by a wealthy marble manufacturer, so I stayed in his poolhouse. It was in the countryside, so I got accustomed to what countryside life was like. On a whim I started looking at what industrial spaces would cost in rent. I found one that was dirt cheap compared to what I was about to sign in New York, and I started taking the steps to get it, kind of blindly. Then I had it, and I was like, ‘OK, I got this’.
It’s an hour outside of Lisbon, and it takes me 25 minutes to drive to the grocery store.
Could you imagine having not made that spontaneous decision? Can you imagine the person you would have become?
I personally don’t think that I’d be doing what I love, at all. I would have been a complete victim of late capitalism. I’m not saying that I’ve completely evaded that, but it’s a little bit less aggressive. Portugal is easy, you know—an easy lifestyle.